from the desk of Lexy Spett Educational and Therapeutic Consultant
I just finished reading a compelling article from the Science Daily, “For Family Violence Among Adolescents, Mattering Matters”.
Mattering?
Do I matter? Do you see me, recognize me, and value me? It’s that kind of mattering. The kind of mattering that has been the cornerstone of adolescent angst since the beginning of time (or at least since the industrial revolution) and the connective tissue between Donny Darko, Holden Caulfield, all the Twilight movies to Columbine.
Now in a new study led by Brown University sociologist, Gregory Elliott, the need for “mattering” can be tied directly to adolescents and family violence. “Mattering” is the “belief persons make a difference in the world around them” and is composed of three components – 1) Awareness, 2) Importance and 3) Reliance. See me? Value me? Help me?
Elliot sees mattering as the fundamental motivation in human beings. Above all, he says, “there is a need to matter”.
The study found that girls are more likely to hit family members than boys, Hispanic youths are less likely to be violent in the home, Children from large families tend to be more violent, Religiosity diminishes family violence and children whose parents did post graduate study are more likely to be violent than children whose parents did not finish high school.
The outcomes are interesting and do a good job of dispelling some stereotypes. However, if we reconsider “mattering” as a developmental concept then it means we need to re-evaluate how parents, significant adults and communities demonstrate to our children that they do matter. When kids question their value or purpose, we can not just write it off as adolescent angst. . Its not always attention seeking or manipulation, it is an instinctual directive to feel valued, connected and needed. Their need to feel connected to their family system and ultimately to the global community is a strong enough drive to create violence either outwardly directed as the study shows or inwardly as the high numbers of teen suicides suggests. So much of our self concept is developed by how we matter and why we matter. The authors of the study believe the “mechanism behind mattering is that it has an effect on both self esteem and on one’s attitude toward violence, which ultimately determines one’s violent behavior”.
So, blog reading community, I ask you -How can we create more opportunities for our children to feel like they matter and how can we reinforce more authentically that they do?
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2011/04/110418135543.htm
